Thursday, November 19, 2009

My Life Could Be Like...

... A Sitcom! Here's why:
1) I can solve any problem in under 1/2 an hour... that's as long as my attention span (squirrel!) is anyways.
2) 4 kids in 5 years, those kids say the darndest things!
3) I've become good at being the parental figure that is absent until the very crucial moment (aka I caught you dumping pepperoni and strawberry syrup in a cup, topped with mustard.)
4) We're trying to live in a house that's a touch too small for us, CRAZY things could happen, just to remind us why we love this house. (Or love to destroy it.)
5) I've got a variety of kids: the oldest, the middle, the youngest, the girly girl... who said that couldn't be funny?
6) I've got a stern looking hubby with a hilarious (sometimes very scary to others) side.
7) I'm a stay-at-home-mom with some Nurse's training... slap stick anyone? (NOT WITH A REAL STICK BOYS!!)

... a Drama. Here's why:
1) With the aid of Ritalin, I can upgrade to under 60 minutes for my attention (Squirrel) span.
2) There's lots of tension in our house. Especially between the hours of 4pm and 6pm. (24, you have NOTHING on the tension around suppertime around here!)
3) There are extreme moments where I think someone may have finally broken a leg or killed their sibling. (Well, maimed is more like it.)
4) Same stuff, different day. I can show re-runs too, you know.
5) Driving down the Deerfoot sometimes reminds me of a car chase that I saw on NCIS.
6) I too can finally figure out the problem at the last second. (Even if that problem is where the heck did I leave the keys to the van so I can pick up kids from school.)
7) I too suffer from technological breakdowns that I can't fix in time to view that important email telling me something that I've shipped from the States may or may not finally have gotten past the boarder and may be at my house in time for me to use it for the sole reason I bought it in the first place. (Gasp, gasp, gasp.)

... a Soap Opera. Here's why:
1) Overreaction? We NEVER overreact. WHO told you we overreact? WHO? I'll get them.
2) Soaps make clutter look sexy. I make it look like clutter.
3) My hubby would like to see me... without the kids (what were you thinking?) more often.
4) We have slapping, hitting, biting and poor choices made on a daily basis. The consequence of which are dire - for my sanity.
5) I love my husband, but I have a deep, dark secret. There are other men that I love. (They mostly exist in cheesy romance novels.)
6) I have a love affair going on -- with chocolate.
7) Sometimes I run away from my problems too. Or just leave the kids with the hubby and do something for me once and while.

... a Reality Show. Here's why:
1) The sneakiest contest is my second oldest who can silently torture or sneak food.
2) My Drama queen is around to let me know the latest injustice done to her and why it wasn't her fault.
3) The prize at the end (of the day) is silence, and baby, is it GOLDEN.
4) Lots of people tune in every day to see what is going to happen next. (Yeah I saw you staring at me struggling with my 4 kids at Wal-Mart.)
5) The only one that tends to get voted off the island is me. (And sometimes I run off.)
6) According to my children, I starve them.
7) The stunts performed by my children are without the supervision of a trained professional and therefore should not be attempted at home. (Or at least within the earshot of Mom.)

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